9 of the Best Nursing Jokes You’ll Ever Hear!

Nursing is a serious profession. Luckily it doesn’t have to humorless! In support of nurses everywhere and the outstanding and underappreciated work they do for the sick – day in and day out – we have put together this list of hilarious nursing jokes. We hope they bring a smile to your face after a long week of 12-hour shifts and grumpy patients.

Without further ado, take off your rubber gloves, change out of your scrubs, grab a nice cup of coffee and prepare to laugh!

The Best Nursing Jokes to Share Around the Nurses Station

Q:  What do you call it when a hospital runs out of maternity nursing staff?
A:  A serious mid-wife crisis!

Q:  Did you hear the one about the nurse under HIPAA regulations?
A:  It’s hilarious, but unfortunately, I can’t tell you!

Q:  What’s the difference between a vampire and a nurse?
A:  Nothing! They both come out at night, come to your bed when you’re sleeping, and draw your blood!

Q:  What does a nurse and a North Pole elf have in common?
A:  They both work hard all year, and the credit always goes to a guy in a large ill-fitting coat!

Yesterday I went in for my immunizations. The nurse said it was her first day on the job.
I told her to give it her best shot.

Q:  What does a surgical transplant nurse hate more than anything?
A:  Rejection!

Q:  What did the surgical nurse say to the mother of the child who swallowed some pennies?
A:  After an hour in surgery, there is no change yet.

Q:  What did the OB Nurse say to her patient?
A:  I am at your cervix!

Q:  How many nurses does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A:  None! They have a nursing student do all the work for them.

We hope you found this list of nursing jokes absolutely humerus!

Nancy Norton – Nurse Nancy Standup Comedy

A hilarious stand up comedy clip from Nurse Nancy


Submit Your Jokes to

These jokes were graciously submitted by the folks at, a site that helps nursing students around the country find CNA classes online. If you’re interested in becoming a nurse, check out their site!

Do you have some great jokes you’d like to share with our readers? If so, feel free to submit them here!

Related Occupational Jokes

13 Security & Police Jokes so Funny They Should be Outlawed!

What do you think?

21 points
Upvote Downvote

13 Security & Police Jokes so Funny They Should be Outlawed!

10 Coffee Jokes Sure to Perk Up Your Day