HumorSearch.com
Raising children can be a rich and rewarding experience for dads.
There’s just so much to look forward to. Soccer games, dance recitals, arguments about vegetable consumption, etc.
You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll spend hours retching when you inevitably catch the norovirus that’s making its way around Junior’s preschool.
But arguably the best part about being a father is getting to that stage in life when your groan-inducing sense of humor suddenly becomes an asset.
Got a stupid pun that will embarrass your pre-teen daughter in front of her friends? By all means, don’t hold back. If a cashier struggles to scan an item, brighten his or her day by saying, “Well I guess it’s free, then.”
And never, ever, under any circumstances just say, “Yes,” when someone asks if you got a haircut. The only acceptable response for any self-respecting dad is, “No, I got all of them cut.”
But the best dads don’t just stick to the classics. Originality is crucial if you really want to want to make your family members cringe.
Here are a few under-the-radar dad jokes sure to get you a chuckle. Or at the very least, a sigh of resignation.
- “Did you hear about the woman who died in a round barn? She couldn’t find a corner to pee in.”
This joke is a personal favorite. Not only does relay on the basest, most excruciating sort of wordplay, it also includes a reference to bodily fluids.
- “What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.”
This is a subtle one, a real thinker, so make sure you really stretch out the “shhhh” sound to let it sink in. Hold for applause. It might take a moment or two for your audience to recover from their awe at your brilliance.
- “A lot of people don’t know this, but this land was first settled by a family named Heckowee. Unfortunately, the entire family got lost one afternoon on a hike through the woods. Vanished forever. But sometimes, on a clear quiet night, legend says you can still hear them calling for help. ‘We’re the Heckowees! We’re the Heckowees!'”
This is a good one because it takes the audience on a journey. Is dad being stupid again? Or is he actually telling us an interesting story for once? Nope, definitely being stupid.
- “What does Norman Bates drive in the summer? His motor-psycho.”
What’s that sound? Oh don’t worry about it. It’s just Alfred Hitchcock spinning in his grave.
- “I was driving home late the other night when something jumped out in the road in front of me. I couldn’t stop in time and I plowed right into it. Turns out it was one of old farmer Johnson’s pigs who managed to get out of his pen. Anyway, I thought I got away with it, but farmer Johnson showed up at my door this morning and he was hopping mad. I couldn’t figure it out. Who turned me in? Well, it turns out, the pig squealed.”
Make sure you pause for dramatic effect.
- “What do you get if you mix a weasel, a shrew and a rattlesnake? Go ask your mother. After all, she was raised by your grandmother.”
Mother-in-law jokes are a well-traveled subgenre for good reason.
- “What did one mole say to the other while they were digging a new tunnel? This is really boring.”
Moles and other burrowing animals are inherently amusing, so you’ve already got that working for you.
- “What’s easier to move: an army of soldiers or an army of clowns? The clowns, because you only need like three cars.”
Can you believe how many people still dress up as clowns? Like, is there really enough demand to warrant the supply?
- “What’s a rabbit’s favorite kind of cake? Chocolate, obviously. Jeez. Not everything has to be about carrots.”
This one is a little subversive, so make sure you commit to the bit.
- “A priest, a rabbi and an atheist walk into a bar. They all get concussions.”
Sounds a little risque at first, but you end up avoiding any serious controversy, which is key to any successful dad joke.
